From the Beginning, It Was Not So

A Study on Divorce, Remarriage, and Perseverance in a Difficult Marriage

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – God’s Original Design for Marriage

Chapter 2 – God’s Command Not to Divorce

Chapter 3 – The Ceremonial Law of Divorce for Fornication is not an Exception

Chapter 4 – An Exposition of Mat 5:31-32 and Mat 19:3-9

Chapter 5 – The Issue of Remarriage

Chapter 6 – Witnessing to the Difficult Husband

Chapter 7 – Practical Questions

Summary

Introduction

In today’s society, it should be obvious to all that there is a significant amount of divorce and remarriage. Virtually every adult either is closely acquainted to a divorced person or are divorced themselves. Even in the Christian churches today, the plague of divorce runs rampant. Some statistics even report up to 50% of new marriages will end in divorce. The divorce rate amongst those who profess to be Christians do not significantly differ from those who do not profess Christ.

In Christian denominations and churches, it is very hard to find any churches that do not allow for divorce and remarriage. Almost all churches allow for divorce for ‘fornication’ and most also allow for a host of other reasons that divorce is accepted. Although they do not advocate divorce without an attempt at reconciliation, almost all will acquiesce to divorce and accept the fact that many divorced persons in the church will ultimately remarry. In some churches, the acceptance of divorce and remarriage is even celebrated as an act of God’s love and mercy. Today, more and more pastors support divorce and remarriage within the church. At one time in the church not too long ago, divorce and re-marriage was completely unacceptable in the church. So, what has happened? Does the Bible really allow for divorce and remarriage?

The primary purpose of this study is to examine if there is a Scriptural basis for divorce and remarriage after divorce. A second purpose is to examine the task of the Christian who finds themselves caught up in a problematic marriage. It is not unusual to find in the body of Christ godly Christians who are married to what seems to be a very difficult person. These Christians often find themselves in a great dilemma. While they diligently seek after God and love the fellowship of other believers in the body of Christ, they find themselves at home with a person who is quite contrary to what the Bible teaches that a Christian will be. What is the Christian to do? Should they divorce? Should they preach the Bible to the apparently rebellious spouse? Should the Christian stand by and do nothing?

This study will carefully examine the Biblical fact that God does not allow for divorce except for the sole reason that if the unbelieving spouse wishes to depart, then the believing spouse must allow this to occur. As the Bible teaches us, we are called to peace if the unbelieving spouse wants to depart and divorce (1 Cor 7:10-16). More than that, The Bible teaches that remarriage is never allowed unless one of the spouses has died. Unfortunately, many people primarily point to two scriptures (Mat 5:32 and Mat 19:9) to justify divorce for fornication (even though these Scriptures are limited to the divorce only being initiated by the husband). However, the Bible teaches that God’s allowance for divorce for fornication was a temporary ceremonial law that was added since God was to divorce National Israel / Judah due to their unfaithfulness. This temporary law that allowed divorce for fornication was ended by Jesus and is no longer a valid ‘exception’ to allow for divorce. The prohibition of divorce applies to all people including Christians who believe that they are married to an abusive, cheating or otherwise difficult spouse. Unfortunately, well-meaning church leaders often find a grounds for divorce (and hence a door is opened to remarriage of divorced persons) due to not only ‘fornication’, but also a variety of other reasons similar to the question that was raised by the Pharisees in Mat 19:3-9.

Well-meaning Christian leaders overlook the fact that the Bible condemns divorce as well as remarriage while the first spouse is still living. An outcome of the allowance for divorce and remarriage will naturally embolden others in the church to divorce and remarry as well. The Bible teaches us that others watch the example of persons in the church (1 Tim 4:12, Titus 2:7, 1 Pet 5:3). We find that even leaders of the church are not immune to divorce and remarriage.

Chapter 1 God’s Original Design for Marriage

The fact that God ordained marriage can hardly be disputed. We find as early as Genesis 2 teaching concerning marriage. We read of Adam and Eve:

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Gen 2:18-24

We see in verse 18 that it was not good for Adam to be alone so God made a helper for him. Eve was created form Adam’s rib and brought to Adam. There we find the main principle of marriage and that is: a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.

To become one flesh symbolizes the union of two people into oneness. The importance of this statement is that the married man and woman become so close that they are essentially indivisible. This point is emphasized again in the New Testament in Eph 5:31 and 1 Cor 6:16. Jesus responded to the Pharisees concerning divorce in the following passage:

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

Mat 19:4-8

We find in this passage that the Lord instructed us to not put asunder what God has joined together. We find that from the beginning it was God’s intention that two people would be married and never put apart. They become as one.

The Spiritual Significance of Marriage

The marriage of a man and a woman provide an important teaching tool that God has given us. The spiritual significance of the marriage between a man and a woman has altogether to do with the relationship between Christ (as husband) and the church (as wife). We find many places in the Bible where we find this spiritual portrait. Consider the following:

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Eph 5:22-33

We find here practical teaching concerning the relationship between husband and wife. Such things as love, respect and submission are discussed. However, we find that the primary spiritual teaching of this passage concerns Christ and the church. As the husband loves the wife, so Christ loves His church. As the wife submits to the husband, so too should we, as Christians, should submit to Christ.

We find many other spiritual pictures of Christ and the church representing a married couple in the Bible. We find that in the book of Revelation, the coming of Christ is pictured as a Bridegroom coming for His bride, the true and invisible church (see Rev 19:7-9, 21:2,9). We find John the Baptist referring to Jesus as the Bridegroom and John the Baptist referred to as the friend of the Bridegroom (John 3:29). The following passages are offered for further study concerning the significance of Christ being referred to as a Husband and a Bridegroom: Mat 25:1-13, Lk 12:36.

In the Old Testament, God and National Israel / Judah were typified as a husband and wife (e.g. see Hos 2:1-17, Ez 16, Jer 31:32, Is 54:1-10, Jer 3:1-10). Israel was referred to as the church in the wilderness in Acts 7:38. Unfortunately, Israel / Judah played the harlot and committed adultery. As we shall see later, God divorced National Israel / Judah (his Old Testament wife) due to her rebellion.

We should now begin to see an important spiritual truth. Marriage is a spiritual picture of the relationship that Christ has with His church. In the Scriptures, we find that once we are truly saved, we can never lose our salvation (e.g. John 6:37-40, 1 Cor 1:7-9, 2 Cor 1:22, Phil 1:6). The significance of this for our study is that Christ will never divorce His church. Christ has died for His bride and loves her very much. There is absolutely nothing that can keep us apart from the love of Christ (see Ro 8:35-39). Because Christ will never divorce His true and the true, universal church, the practice of divorce amongst Christians serves as a very poor witness to the world and is altogether not consistent with being a Christian. Moreover, when Christians divorce, the question as to whether they truly understand the meaning of the marriage relationship and how it typifies Christ and the church is drawn into question.

Because of the significant spiritual implications that marriage typifies, it is important that the marriage between two people be treated with great care and not be entered into lightly. The Bible is clear that Christians are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Cor 6:14). This is especially significant in the marriage relationship since a Christian’s mindset should be that divorce is always unacceptable (for all reasons), while an unsaved partner may not see any problem with divorce for some reasons, which is the very question that the Pharisees brought up in Mat 19:3. In the Old Testament, God typified the need to remain equally yoked to believers in marriage in that National Israel / Judah was not to marry foreign wives. Some have superficially used marriage to foreign wives literally that people should not marry outside of their own race or nationality. This is not the meaning of these passages at all since in Christ, we are all one (Gal 3:26-27, etc). An example to consider is marriage to the Canaanites. This was forbidden (Deut 7:3) since they represented those who outside of the family of God. They represented unsaved people. The marrying of foreign wives by Solomon ultimately led this godly man to make many errors in judgment (1 Ki 11:1,8, Neh 13:27). It is important to understand that marriage to foreign wives in the Old Testament was used as a type of marrying outside of the Christian faith. In the Old Testament, the marrying of foreign wives was wrong (Neh 13:23-31, Ezra 9:1-4, 10:44, Neh 10:30, Ex 34:11-16, Deut 7:1-5) since it was a portrait of rebelling from God’s command for Christian unity. Since the two, when they are married, become one flesh, it is not appropriate for a Christian to marry a non-Christian (2 Cor 6:14). In summary, the important point to remember is that marriage ultimately portrays the relationship of Christ and the church. It is applicable to Christians since marriages to other Christians should represent the beautiful truth of Christ and the church (Eph 5:22-33). It is with this backdrop that we approach the issue of human marriage and divorce. We must understand the significance of marriage.

Chapter 2 God’s Command Not to Divorce

In the Bible (which is God’s Word to all people), we find many statements by God that a Christian is not to divorce. It has been already observed that God commands that what He has joined together, let no man separate (see Mat 19:6, Mk 10:9). We find this command acknowledged by Jesus as authoritative. Jesus said that from the beginning divorce was not allowed. God’s original intention is that there be no divorce. Consider the plain teaching of Mark 10:

And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mk 10:2-9 (see also Lk 16:18, Mat 19:3-9)

In this passage, Pharisees asked Jesus concerning whether divorce is acceptable. The Pharisees were well aware of Deut 24 which allowed for divorce in the Old Testament church Israel if a man found uncleanness in his wife. Jesus reiterated that it was for the hardness of people’s hearts that Moses (as inspired by the Holy Spirit) allowed divorce. However, Jesus states that from the beginning it was not God’s intent to allow divorce. In fact, God hates divorce (Mal 2:15-16). Jesus goes on to reiterate that God has made the two one flesh in marriage and what God has joined together, let not man separate. Therefore, a basic Biblical principle is presented here. God does not sanction or condone divorce. It is most definitely not His will. But, are there any grounds for divorce? Can a man or woman suffer terrible abuse or incompatibility without being given the possibility of separation and divorce? Can a spouse endure the painful experience of an adulterous spouse and not be allowed to divorce? Do we have such a cruel God that He would forbid divorce such that He would allow terrible suffering?

We must remember, of course, that God is sovereign and He can do anything that he pleases. He has ordained Christians that they are to live a life of suffering (John 16:33). In fact, this is a characteristic of one who is a Christian and wants to live a godly life (2 Tim 3:12). Additionally, if we find no suffering in our lives, we must question whether we are a true child of God (see John 16:33, Mat 10:24-33, 1 Pet 4:1-4). Therefore, it would not be surprising that God would condemn divorce for all reasons. It is similar to the command not to murder. Even though someone may be suffering in the flesh due to disease or accident, we are commanded that we are not to murder. We must aid in the suffering all that is possible, but we must not play God. Similarly, in the marriage relationship, God’s commands must be obeyed even if we find ourselves in a time of suffering. For all we know, this time of suffering in marriage may be used by God to produce holiness or possibly lead the abusive spouse to the Lord (1 Pet 3:1-3).

Let us turn to another Biblical passage that clearly condemns divorce:

Know ye not, brethren (for I speak to them that know the law), how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath a husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called and adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress she be married to another man.

Ro 7:1-3 (see also 1 Cor 7:39)

In the larger context, this passage is speaking about salvation in that Christians are free from the law of God if they are saved and they are married to Christ (see 7:4-6, etc). However, we cannot ignore the teaching of this passage concerning what the law teaches concerning marriage in that the wife is bound (i.e., tied) to her husband unto death do they part. Also, we do not want to discard this clear teaching against divorce based on ‘not being under the law’. We find very clear teaching is Scripture that while we are not bound to the law in the sense that we can be saved by keeping the works of the law, we still fulfill the law. We that are dead to sin, cannot no longer live in sin (Ro 6:1-2). Sin is the transgression of the law (1 John 3:4). Even though we are not under the law, we still follow the law (Ro 6:15-16). We know that the law is holy and just and good (John 7:12). Therefore, we want to be obedient to the teaching of Ro 7:1-3 where the Scriptures teach us that a woman is bound to the husband as long as he lives. In other words, God does not recognize divorce. There is no grounds for divorce and remarriage to be found in this Scripture. We also find similar teaching in 1 Cor 7:39 where the Bible teaches:

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

1 Cor 7:39

In this passage, we find similar language as Ro 7:1-3. Especially notable is the term ‘bound’ (Greek: deo). This Greek term literally means to be tied. In other words the husband and wife are tied to one another as long as they live. The Greek word ‘deo’ is used in the Bible as being bound as a prisoner would be shackled (Paul: Acts 9:2, 14,21, 12;6, 20:22, 21:11,13,33, 22:5,29, 24:27, Christ: Mat 27:2, Mk 15:1,7, John 18:12,24). Therefore, we should understand the marriage vow as one that involves being tied or shackled to their spouse (for better or for worse, until death do they part).

The traditional marriage vow ‘until death do we part’ is therefore Biblical. When one is married they are actually tied together. What God has joined together, let not man divide asunder (Mat 19:6). In 1 Cor 7:27 the Scripture commands:

Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife.

1 Cor 7:27

The term for bound here is the same Greek word ‘deo’. Here we are commanded to not seek to be loosed from the wife that we are tied together with. This is a sin to even contemplate or consider divorce once one is married. Unfortunately, many people pervert the clear commands in 1 Cor 7:27, 39 that we have seen above. They use another verse in 1 Cor 7 that is unfortunately translated with the same English word ‘bound’ to prove their point that Christians aren’t actually bound:

But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

1 Cor 7:15

It is a perversion of Scripture to teach that a husband or wife is not actually bound (Gr: deo meaning tied) if the unbeliever departs as we have previously seen in 1 Cor 7:27,39. It is notable that the Greek word for bondage (i.e., deo) in 1 Cor 7:15 does not mean to be tied or shackled. Rather, it is the Greek word ‘ douloo’ meaning slave or bondservant. Therefore, a Christian based on 1 Cor 7:27,39 is always bound (i.e. tied) to their spouse for as long as they live. However, if the unbelieving spouse wishes to depart, the believer is not a bondservant in this case. In other words, the believer is not a bond servant to the unbeliever. The believer is only a bond servant to Christ. This is the normal use of the word ‘douloo’ and is used throughout the New Testament (e.g. 1 Pet 2:16, Eph 6:5-6, James 1:1, Rev 1:1, Ro 6:15-23, etc). The meaning in 1 Cor 7:15 is that if an unbeliever wishes to leave the marriage, the believer must let them depart since they are not a bond servant to the unbeliever but to Christ. The believer cannot force the unbeliever to stay in the marriage. The believing spouse is called to peace. That is, a true believer is to pursue salvation as a bond servant of Christ and not be a bond servant of man.

A Wife’s Separation from Her Husband in 1 Cor 7:10-11

In 1 Cor 7:10-11, we find a situation where a woman becomes separated from her husband:

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

1 Cor 7:10-11

Two things should be observed in this passage. First, this passage refers to the wife departing from her husband. Second, it should be observed if she dies depart, she must remain unmarried or otherwise be reconciled to her husband. This passage states that there can be a case where the wife must depart from the husband (i.e., unsaved husband decides to divorce her and sends her away). The wife is not to depart and the husband is not to put away his wife. Some use the phrase ‘but if she does depart’ to assert that there may be some extenuating circumstances where the wife may have to depart such as abuse or some other perceived difficult situation. However, this argument breaks down because the term ‘if she does depart’ is passive. In other words, it was not her decision to depart. It is something that happened to her or, in other words, she was put away by her husband. The idea that a wife would ever leave her husband was foreign to God’s law. I know of no verses that teach that a woman may divorce her husband. Only Deut 24:1 allowed a man to put away his wife (but, not vice versa). This harmonizes with the fact that the wife is created as the helpmate for the husband and not the other way around (1 Cor 11:7-9, Gen 2:20). Therefore, the term ‘if she does depart’ is understood to mean that if she is put away by the unbelieving husband (see 1 Cor 7:15), she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.

As is seen in 1 Cor 7:12-13, God’s command is that marriage remain intact even if a believer is married to an unbeliever:

But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath a husband that beleiveth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1 Cor 7:12-13

The command here is that if one finds themselves in a mixed marriage (i.e. believer with unbeliever), this should not be considered as a ground for divorce. As we saw in 1 Cor 7:15, it is only if the unbeliever wants to leave that they should be allowed to leave. However, since the marriage results in being tied together, they are not actually divorced although the law of the land may consider them to be divorced. In God’s law, they are still bound together until death parts them. Another observation should be made with verses 12 and 13. Some have taken issue that since Paul says that he is speaking and not the Lord, these are voluntary commands and do not actually carry the weight of being of divine origin. The fallacy of this argument should be readily apparent. Paul is under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit (2 Tim 3:16, 2 Pet 3:15). Although at the time, he may not have realized that this was actually God speaking through him, we should understand that these are actually God’s commands since they are in the Bible. The fact that this phrase resides in the Bible is God’s test for the readers to see if they will be completely faithful to Him.

We find in verses 12 and 13 the case where a believer is married to an unbeliever. In those cases, the believer is not to seek divorce. If the unbeliever is happy being married to the believer, fine. In some way the unbeliever has learned to live with the believer, although it may be a very difficult life. Although the believer is a disciple of Christ, and earnestly seeks to live the Lord’s will, the unbeliever has learned to tolerate it. Moreover, this mixed relationship can have a positive experience on the unbelieving spouse and on the children since the believer is a witness of all the goodness of the Lord.

Let us go on to study the following verses:

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

1 Cor 7:14-16

In verses 15 and 16 we find that the unbeliever may wish to depart. If this is the case the unbeliever is to be let go without a fight. In other words, the believer should not seek divorce. However, if the unbeliever wants to go, they should let the unbeliever go. God has called us to peace. We, as Christians, have peace with God and must serve Him alone. If the unbelieving spouse gets to the point that he or she cannot live with that, the believing spouse must continue on in the peace of God. Therefore, we see an exception for divorce: If the unbelieving spouse wishes to divorce, the believing spouse must let that happen.

We find that an unbeliever cannot fulfill the picture of marriage. That is, the unsaved spouse whether typifying the Christ (i.e. the husband) or the church (i.e. the wife) will have no real interest in fulfilling that spiritual illustration. Whether they are married or not, they are looking out for their own selfish interests. Therefore, the divorce will only serve to illustrate their relationship with God. Just as God and national Israel were divorced (see Jer 3:1,8, Is 50:1, Hos 2:2), so too the unsaved person who wishes a divorce fills the place of one who has no relationship with God.

In summary, the following is the only exception to God’s command of no divorce:

If the unbelieving spouse wants to divorce, they must be allowed to do so (1 Cor 7:12-16).

This would mean that the believing spouse would need to cooperate in the divorce, and in no means is a hostile, delinquent, vengeful, spiteful or otherwise un-Christian manner. And, if a divorce were to occur, remarriage to another is not possible unless the previous spouse is deceased.

Qualifications of Elders

When the truth of the Scriptures is understood concerning the fact that there is not to be divorce and remarriage while the former spouse is still living, an interesting truth shines forth in the Bible. We find in 1 Tim 3 and Titus 1 the Biblical qualifications of elders and deacons. We find in 1 Tim 3:2 and Titus 1:6 for elders and 1 Tim 3:12 for deacons that they are to be the husbands of one wife. In the context of both the 1 Tim and the Titus passage the reason for the command has to do with having proved themselves as ruling their own families well. The point is: how can these men be in charge of God’s church if they cannot even rule their own households?

The requirement that the elders and deacons be the husband of one wife has been at various times misunderstood. It has been thought by some that this meant that an elder or deacon could not be a polygamist and have more than one contemporaneous wives. However, when the truth of God’s law that a man and a woman are tied to each other while they are alive (1 Cor 7:10-11,27, 39), it becomes apparent that a man that has been divorced and remarried is automatically disqualified as an elder or deacon since this man essentially has two wives that presumably are still living. If his first wife is still living, he has entered into a second marriage and, therefore, has two living wives. This qualification harmonizes well with the context of 1 Tim 3 and Titus 1 since it would exclude men who have not had their own marriages in control from serving in a shepherding role in the church of God.

Other Old Testament Commands not to Divorce

We see other notable Old Testament references concerning divorce. In Leviticus 21:7,14, and Ezekiel 44:22, we find commands from God that a priest is not to divorce his wife. We previously saw that there was an exception in the Old Testament for divorce granted by God. This is found in Deut 24:1-4 if the woman was found to have been in fornication. However, in Lev 21:7,14, we find a prohibition for divorce of priests for any reason. Why would God be stricter with the priests of Israel as compared to the rest of the nation of Israel?

We find the answer to this question when we compare Scripture with Scripture. We find in the New Testament God’s definition of who are priests. In 1 Pet 2:5-9, we find that it is all the true believers who are priests of God. All Christians are a nation of priests. Therefore, when God prohibited the priests of the Old Testament from divorcing, God was pre-shadowing the time of the New Testament when divorce would again no longer be permitted. Of course, this also pictures the fact that God would no longer need the allowance of divorce for Himself either. That is, in the time of the church age, God saves believers and they are made to persevere and be eternally secure. The temporary allowance in the Law for divorce was retracted by the word of Christ. The eternal church of the elect are never to be divorced both spiritually with God and physically with their spouses in the flesh. Therefore, we find Lev 21:7,14, to be another confirmation that divorce between believers in the New Testament is no longer to be allowed.

Another statement in the Old Testament concerning divorce is found in Malachi 2:13-16. In this Scripture, we find God’s position on divorce:

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

Mal 2:13-16

We find in this final book of the Old Testament, a reminder that God hates divorce. Although he temporarily allowed for divorce in Deut 24:1-4, this was not God’s original intention. God’s intention (Gen 2:24) is that a man and a woman be married and be one flesh until death do they part.

In the next chapter, we will examine in more detail the Old Testament ceremonial law concerning divorce that is found in Deut 24:1-4.

Chapter 3 The Ceremonial Law of Divorce for Fornication is not an Exception

The one exception that many people attempt to use to allow for divorce between Christians is ‘fornication’ based on Mat 5:32 and Mat 19:3-9. But, even if these verses taught an allowance for divorce (which they do not), then usually this leads to an allowance for remarriage, which is not included in these verses either. They combine the perceived allowance for divorce with the misinterpreted 1 Cor 7:15 statement that a person is not in bondage if the unbeliever departs as an allowance for remarriage. This results in the teaching that divorce and remarriage is acceptable. This is Biblically incorrect. Let us examine this notable stumbling block in Christianity today concerning divorce and remarriage: fornication.

In the book of Matthew, we find 2 passages (Mat 5:32, 19:9) that many have used to justify divorce. In these passages, many have believed that a reason for a divorce is when fornication is involved. They maintain that if the husband or wife has cheated on them in this manner, then they are altogether entitled to a divorce. Moreover, if they remarry, it is not sin since these passages say that in such cases they are not committing adultery. Additionally, many understand the term ‘fornication’ as a very broadly defined term of sexual immorality. They hold that since the Bible states that a man who has lusted after a woman has committed adultery in his heart (Mat 5:27-28), fornication can be broadened to any case where a man may look at another woman or pay too close attention to some ad or movie. If the spouse has discovered some type of flirtation with another or even some business association with one from another sex, they seem to be able to justify fornication. This allowance for divorce for fornication has been expanded to include just about any or all sexual type of sins.

We should now see why there is such a dilemma in the church concerning this issue of divorce. We find that the language of Mat 19:9 and Mat 5:32 seems to allow for divorce for a very large array of sexual lusts and activities. In fact, we are amazed at this since this was similar to the doctrinal error that Jesus was attempting to correct with the Pharisees in Mat 19:3. In Mat 19:3, the Pharisees questioned Jesus as to whether divorce was OK for any and all reasons.

Let us now carefully examine Mat 5:31-32 and Mat 19:3-9 to see if these passages indeed teach that a ground for divorce (and remarriage) is that of fornication. Consider the following passages:

It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Mat 5:31-32

The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Mat 19:3-9

On the surface, the above Scriptures seem to teach that it is sin to divorce and remarry except for the cause of fornication. That is, if one is caught fornicating (which can be expanded into a very broad definition), then a divorce on this grounds is acceptable in the eyes of God. But, is this really what these Scriptures are teaching? If it is, we seem to run into problems. We see that the original question that Jesus was answering for the Pharisees was that it was not OK to divorce for any reason. We saw that what God has put together, let not man put it asunder. Therefore, if we believe that divorce and remarriage are OK for formication, then we are starting down the same path that the Pharisees were on in Mat 19:3.

It is very important to understand the meaning of ‘fornication’. It is the Greek word ‘porneia’ which carries the meaning in the New Testament of sexual intercourse outside of marriage. This term is primarily used in both the physical and spiritual sense as sexual intercourse between two persons who are not married to one another. For example, we find that the incestuous relationship between a man and his father’s wife is called ‘porneia’ (1 Cor 5:1). We see in 1 Thess 4:3-7 where the Scripture speaks about maintaining oneself pure and not defiling the marriage bed. In 1 Thess 4:3, the term ‘porneia’ is used in this context. It is important to note that the term fornication (porneia) can apply to the marriage. Sometimes, people try to make the difference that inappropriate sexual relations within the marriage context is always referred to as adultery while the term fornication is used when sexual relations happens between people who are not married. As should be evident from 1 Thess 4:3 and 1 Cor 5:1 (as well as Mat 5:32 and Mat 19:3-9), the term fornication can be used within the marriage context. The term fornication is simply a broad term referring to any physical or spiritual sexual immorality while the term adultery is reserved for the marriage relationship. Additionally, ‘porneia’ is used many times in a general list of sins such as is the case in 1 Cor 6:9-11 and Gal 5:19-21. Some have tried to make the point that since God uses the word ‘porneia’ or fornication in Mat 5:32 and Mat 19:9 to speak of the ‘exception’ for divorce, then what was referred to here was that if prior to the actual wedding, one of the parties had fornicated, then the marriage could be called off. This interpretation is not valid since the term fornication can be used within the confines of marriage. One who has committed adultery is also guilty of fornication (1 Cor 5:1, 1 Thess 4:3).

If one believes that Mat 5:32 and Mat 19:9 teach that divorce and remarriage are permitted for ‘fornication’, the allowance for divorce could be broadened to include lusting after TV and movies of a sexual nature as well as viewing various sexually oriented magazines, books, and romance novels. Although the primary meaning of ‘porneia’ is that of sexual intercourse between 2 persons who are not married to each other, it can also be expanded to other sexual sins. Therefore, it would appear that there could be many grounds for divorce based on any type of sexual sin.

This conclusion would seem to violate what we already studied in 1 Cor 7 concerning the fact that a believer should not seek divorce as long as the unbelieving spouse would consent to live with them. By definition, unbelieving spouses would naturally be involved with sexual sins whether they be viewing TV, movies, magazines, romance novels and the like. Therefore, if we draw the conclusion that divorce and remarriage is justified for reasons of sexual sin, then we seem to be opposed to what is taught in 1 Cor 7 that a believer should not seek divorce.

Mat 19:9 and Mat 5:32 Applies to the Husband Only

Another significant fact to understand in Mat 5:32 and Mat 19:9 is that this ‘allowance’ for divorce only applies only to the discretion of the husband, not the wife. Nowhere do these verses teach that a wife can put away her husband. Therefore, those who teach that it is OK for women to divorce based on these verses violate the plain and simple meaning of these verses since they only appear to allow the husband to put away his wife. This fact is a key element in understanding what the ‘except for fornication’ clause means in Mat 19:9 and what the ‘saving for the cause of fornication’ phrase means in Mat 5:32. We find that these terms relate back to the context of Mat 19:3-9 and Mat 5:31-32. That context has altogether to do with Deut 24:1 where Moses allowed divorce of a man from his wife due to ‘some uncleanness’. This allowance in Deut 24:1 was only allowed for men to divorce their wives which was the practice of Jews at the time of Christ. Old Testament Israeli divorce was for men and not for women based on Deut 24:1-4. This should immediately be a flag to those who teach the divorce is permitted for the grounds of fornication. They just cannot find in Scripture that it is permitted for women to divorce their husbands. That is nowhere to be found in the Scriptures. As we shall shortly see there is an important reason that the allowance was only for men. It was because the allowance by Moses in Deut 24:1 was a ceremonial law which would allow God to divorce national Israel / Judah which he subsequently did do. More on this later.

The Context of Mat 19:3-9 and Mat 5:31-32

Let us now begin to look at the real meaning of these two passages. The real significance of Mat 5:32 and 19:9 is found in the context of the teaching. In both cases, we find a discussion concerning Deut 24:1-4. We see in Mat 19:3, the Pharisees came to Jesus to tempt Him asking if it is permitted to divorce for any reason. As previously noted, this is similar to the condition we find in the world and in a large part in the church today. Sadly, almost any reason for divorce is prevalent. So called, no fault divorces are rampant, even in the churches. The churches that claim the name of Christ have also bought into this teaching. So the question of the Pharisees is very appropriate for us to consider today. It is, in essence, the question that all churches are asking today, yet they do not want to listen to the answer in the context of Deut 24:1-4. Many pastors, when asked to discuss mat 5:31-32 and Mat 19:9 seem never to be able to relate the answer back to the ceremonial law context of Deut 24:1 and the fact that God would use this allowance for divorce as a portrait of deeper spiritual truth.

Perhaps, the Pharisees were hoping to box Jesus in a corner concerning the difficultly in the Old Testament concerning Moses’ allowance for divorce in Deut 24:1-3 and the original intent of God concerning no divorce elsewhere (see Gen 2:24). We must remember, they would not have understood that God actually divorced national Israel / Judah since they still believed that they were righteous and the people of God. Perhaps, they were trying to baffle Jesus in that many places in the Old Testament say that an adulterous spouse was to be put to death (another ceremonial law with deeper spiritual meaning) and Moses allowed for a certificate of divorce in Deut 24:1-4. Maybe they were trying to get Him to err in explaining the seeming contradiction of allowing for divorce and putting o death the adulterous spouse. However, Jesus corrected the Pharisees and said that from the beginning God did not intend for divorce. God intended a marriage to last a lifetime as a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and the church just as Gen 2:24 teaches. What God has put together, let no man put asunder.

The Pharisees, thinking that they had trapped Jesus in His words, replied by questioning Jesus as to why did Moses allow divorce (see Mat 19:7). Moses was recognized as the prophet of God and his writings were recognized as divinely inspired. In Mat 19:8, Jesus then answered that it was for their hardness of heart that God allowed divorce (Mat 19:8). In other words, it was because of their unsaved condition that divorce was allowed since ‘hardness of heart’ clearly points to those who are unsaved (e.g. Ez 11:19, 36:26, etc). Therefore, we should immediately be wary of permitting divorce between believers. This allowance was permitted due to the hardness of the unsaved heart. How often today do we find two professing believers divorcing? However, there is not even a hint of allowing divorce between two believing Christians. We previously saw in 1 Cor 7 that the only possible reason for divorce was between a believer and a non-believer.

Let us now understand what Deut 24:1-4 is really teaching so that we can understand Mat 19:9 and Mat 5:32.

Understanding Deut 24:1-4

In Mat 19:7, when the Pharisees questioned Jesus about Moses’ allowance for divorce, they were referring to Deut 24:1-4:

When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

Deut 24:1-4

We see in verse 1 the allowance for divorce. If a man married a woman and he found ‘some uncleanness’ in her then he was allowed to write her a bill of divorcement and send her away. We then see in verses 2-4 that remarriage for her was allowed. However, she must not go back and return to her original husband. The divorce in verse 1 was for the reason of ‘some uncleanness’. It was concerning this very term that the Pharisees had approached Jesus concerning the meaning of this verse (Mat 19:7).

What ‘Some Uncleanness’ Means

The term ‘some uncleanness’ had proved very troublesome for the Jews. The Jews had perverted this meaning into allowing divorce for any reason. Any type of issue that the husband found in the wife that he did not like could be grounds for divorce (Mat 19:3). Let us look at the apparent dilemma concerning this verse and see if we can understand the meaning.

First, we find the term ‘some’ which is the Hebrew word dabar. This term is a very common word in the Old Testament. In fact, it is used some 2400 times in the Old Testament. Of these occurrences, the most common translation is ‘speak’ or ‘talk’. Another 770 times, it is the term ‘word’. Other less used terms include ‘act’, ‘matter’, ‘thing’, or ‘some’. Therefore, we find the usage of this term usually has to do with word, speak, or talk.

Concerning the term ‘uncleanness’, it is the Hebrew ervah. This word is used 54 times in the Old Testament. In 51 cases, it is translated as ‘nakedness’. The other three translations are ‘shame’, ‘unclean’, and ‘uncleanness’. Therefore, this term ervah is primarily meant to be nakedness. In fact, it is used in Lev 18 and 20 as nakedness some 30 times. In these passages, it is meant to be understood as fornication with a close blood relative. In the other uses (e.g. Ez 16, 22:10,23, Hos 2:9, etc), it is also translated nakedness, but it also carries an allegorical meaning of fornication for the spiritual condition of Israel. This is the same situation in Is 20:4 where it is translated as ‘shame’. In other words, it relates to the spiritual condition of being a fornicator.

We find one case, however, in Deut 23:14 just a few verses prior to its usage in Deut 24:1 which seems to carry a different meaning than that of fornication. In Deut 23:14, we read:

Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad: and thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee: for the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliever thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; Therefore, shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.

Deut 23:12-14

We see in verse 14, the term ‘unclean thing’ is the exact same Hebrew words in combination as found in Deut 24:1 (i.e. dabar ervah). In context, the Scriptures are talking about the uncleanness of human excrement. Therefore, we see a potential reason there was much confusion over the meaning of the divorce allowance in Deut 24:1. On the one hand, we find the prominent usage of ervah as meaning fornication whether it be literal or allegorical. However, we see the exact same combination of dabar ervah also used in a very different way referring to human excrement. It is now understandable why the Jews had perverted the meaning of Deut 24:1 as applying to just about every type of uncleanness that could be found. Perhaps, they found that the wife was in her customary impurity. This could be a reason for divorce. Just about for any reason, they could find some type of uncleanness if they understood ‘some uncleanness’ in light of Deut 23:14. However, the intent of the ‘some uncleanness’ in Deut 24:1 is that of fornication.

This result of the above word study perfectly aligns with Mat 19:3 where the Pharisees asked Jesus if a man could divorce his wife for any cause. The meaning of their question literally means ‘for any and all causes’. Therefore, we see that the meaning of Deut 24:1 had been wrongly expanded by the Jews to include any type of uncleanness one could imagine.

The Relationship of ‘Some Uncleanness’ in Deut 24:1 to ‘Fornication’ in Mat 19:9 and Mat 5:32

We now begin to see a remarkable parallelism between ‘some uncleanness’ in Deut 24:1 and ‘fornication’ in Mat 19:9 and Mat 5:32. The term fornication in the New Testament primarily means sexual intercourse between two persons who are not married to one another. However, it also carries a much broader meaning of sexual sins of any nature. In the Old Testament, the term ‘some uncleanness’ in Deut 24:1 also primarily means sexual intercourse between two persons who are not married to one another either in a physical or spiritual sense. However, it was also used to mean any type of uncleanness.

We, therefore, find an interesting parallel between the ‘fornication’ term of the New Testament and the ‘some uncleanness’ term of the Old Testament. we should begin to see that when the Pharisees asked Jesus in Mat 19:7 concerning Moses’ allowance for divorce, Jesus’ answer directly related to that question since He repeated back to them in His response the same term ‘fornication’ that was the subject of Moses’ allowance for divorce. We will return to this parallelism shortly. First, let us examine another point in Deut 24:1 which parallels Jesus’s answer in Mat 19:9.

Moses’ Allowance for Divorce Only Applies to Men

It is interesting to note that Moses’ allowance for divorce in Deut 24:1 was only for the husband to put away his wife. There was no allowance for the wife to put away her husband. Therefore, it was illegal for the wife to divorce her husband. This was carried forward to the time of Jesus. The Pharisees came to Jesus in Mat 19:3 asking the very same question as to whether it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause. Moreover, Jesus’ statement in Mat 19:9 states that if a man divorces his wife and marries another woman, he commits adultery. There was no allowance for a wife to divorce her husband mentioned by Jesus. Why was this? Why did allowance for divorce in Deut 24:1 and Mat 19:3-9 only apply to the husband’s choice? Why was there never a decree by God that a wife could divorce her husband? Why did not Jesus recognize the ability for a wife to divorce her husband if this was His will? Mat 19:3-9 would have been a perfect place to clarify this issue concerning divorce. It would have been a perfect place to teach that a woman could divorce her husband too. But, he did not say that. To answer this dilemma, we must understand the spiritual meaning of Deut 24:1-4.

Comparing Scripture with Scripture

Before we can understand the tremendous spiritual meaning of Deut 24:1-4, we must remember a basic rule of Bible study. In order to understand what the Holy Spirit is teaching us, we must compare spiritual with spiritual (see 1 Cor 2:13, 2 Pet 1:20-21). In other words, we must rely on God’s Holy Word to find the meaning of God’s terms that he uses in the Bible. We must not compare what is spiritual in the Word of God to what is carnal concerning what our own minds think or what Webster’s Dictionary says. Rather, we must find other uses of the ‘bill of divorcement’ as it was used in Deut 24:1 to come to truth on God’s meaning of His allowance for divorce.

When we search the Scriptures, we find two notable instances where Deut 24:1 is referred to. In both these cases (Jer 3:1,8, Is 50:1), we find different parties involved rather than a physical husband and wife. We find God and Israel / Judah. Note the following passage:

They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD. Lift up thine eyes unto the high places, and see where thou hast not been lien with. In the ways hast thou sat for them, as the Arabian in the wilderness; and thou hast polluted the land with thy whoredoms and with thy wickedness. Therefore the showers have been withholden, and there hath been no latter rain; and thou hadst a whore’s forehead, thou refusedst to be ashamed. Wilt thou not from this time cry unto me, My father, thou art the guide of my youth? Will he reserve his anger for ever? will he keep it to the end? Behold, thou hast spoken and done evil things as thou couldest. The LORD said also unto me in the days of Josiah the king, Hast thou seen that which backsliding Israel hath done? she is gone up upon every high mountain and under every green tree, and there hath played the harlot. And I said after she had done all these things, Turn thou unto me. But she returned not. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it. And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.

Jer 3:1-8

In Jer 3:1 and 3:8, we see a direct reference to Deut 24:1 (i.e., the giving of a bill of divorcement). However, we find an entirely different meaning than what we would expect. We find that God relates the allowance for the bill of divorcement to Himself and Israel/Judah (see verse 8). We see because she played the harlot, God put her away. God divorced Israel / Judah. The direct reference to Deut 24 solidifies to us that the spiritual meaning of Deut 24:1-4 concerns God’s relationship with Israel. God allowed Moses to give a certificate of divorce since it would prefigure (and preannounce) the fact that God would divorce Israel. And what was the reason for this divorce? It was spiritual fornication. Notice in this passage, that Israel played the harlot (i.e. fornicated) with many lovers. She has had spiritual intercourse with many other gods. Israel committed fornication with the gods of the other heathen nations. In other words, the sexual immorality that was the basis for divorce in Deut 24 was a prefigure of the spiritual immorality of Israel in that she played the harlot with foreign gods.

This is also confirmed for us in Is 50:1:

Thus saith the LORD, Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement, whom I have put away? or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.

Is 50:1

We find another quote of Deut 24:1 here. It also relates to the fact that God divorced Israel due to her sins. Therefore, we see more confirmation that we are on solid ground in understanding the spiritual meaning of Deut 24:1-4. When we compare Scripture with Scripture, we begin to unfold God’s spiritual meaning. We find that His reason for adding the allowance for divorce was so he could divorce Israel which He did. Although God’s intent from the beginning is that He made them male and female and that a marriage should never be put asunder, we find that due to the fall of man, man’s heart has become hardened. Because of man’s unsaved, fallen state, it became allowable for divorce to enter into the equation. God used this allowance for divorce to show that Israel, although endowed with the very oracles of God (Ro 3:1-2), was unable to please God because they pursued it according to the flesh on their own merits and committed spiritual fornication. They were unable to keep the law. Therefore, God had to divorce Israel. We see this further illustrated in Hos 1-2. Ez 16, and Ez 23. Therefore, divorce is a picture of God’s divorcement of his people who were found to be spiritual fornicagtors (unsaved).

However, we find a new picture for us in the New Testament! God, in the person of Jesus Christ, has married the invisible, universal church of God. Christ and His church are an in-dissolvable unity. They are what God has out together. Not of man’s works, but by the grace of God, God has chosen the church for salvation and marriage to the Lamb. Though they were unworthy, he chose them as a bride. Therefore, we would expect that the allowance for divorce would be ended since the divorce between God and Israel is done. Now, God is forever married to His church, never to be divorced again!

The allowance for divorce in Deut 24:1-4 was therefore a ceremonial law like most of the laws found in the Law of Moses. Just as Christ has blotted out the handwriting of ordinances that were against us, which was contrary to us, he took the ceremonial laws out of the way and nailed it to the cross (Col 2:14-17). The allowance for divorce was a ceremonial law that Christ came to undo. This is clearly the context all through Mat 5 where the Mat 5:31-32 passage is found. With the work of Christ, there was a changing of the law (Heb 7:12, Eph 2:15, Ro 7:1-6, etc).

But, let us return to the source of all the confusion concerning divorce. Let us turn back to Mat 5:31-32 and Mat 19:9 to understand exactly what Mat 19:9’s ‘except for fornication’ and Mat 5:32’s ‘save for the reason of fornication’ mean.

Chapter 4 An Exposition of Mat 5:31-32 and Mat 19:3-9

Now that we are better prepared to understand the meaning behind Deut 24:1-4, let us return to Mat 5:31-32:

Mat 5:31-32 Exposition:

Mat 5:31-32

It hath been said … But I say unto you – With these phrases, Jesus is setting the stage for a changing of the law due to His fulfillment of the law (Mat 5:17). The entire context of Matthew 5 points to this. Consider the following:

Mat 5:20-26 – Jesus expands the law of God concerning the prohibition of murder to include being angry or speaking evil of one’s brother also being considered as murder. Therefore, there is a changing of the law concerning the definition of murdering one’s brother.

Mat 5:27-30 – Jesus expands the law of God concerning the prohibition of committing adultery to including even the thought of it. In other words, not just the physical act is considered as adultery, but even the lust in the mind is considered as adultery. Therefore, there is a changing of the law concerning the definition of committing adultery.

Mat 5:31-32 – Jesus change the law of allowance for divorce for fornication. The previous ceremonial law to allow divorce for ‘some uncleanness’ is reverted to the original command of God to remain together and any divorce is considered as adultery.

Mat 5:33-37 – Jesus changed the law concerning the making of oaths. Previously, under the law of commandments, it was appropriate to swear, but Jesus repealed this law since it is impossible for man to be faithful outside of the grace of God.

Mat 5:38-42 – Jesus changed the law of taking vengeance (an eye for an eye) to one of no retaliation. The new law is to go the extra mile and turn the other cheek.

Mat 5:43-48 – Jesus changed the law of hating one’s enemy, but loving one’s neighbor to loving all people. This was a change in the law to recognize the love of God shed abroad on the once enemies of God.

It should be clearly recognized from the context of Mat 5 that Mat 5:31-32 is found right in the midst of other laws that are being changed. It does not logically follow that the exception for fornication would not be changed. Otherwise Mat 5:31-32 (if the exception for fornication still is valid) is not changed from what Deut 24:1-4 taught.

Whosoever shall put away his wife – To ‘put away’ is the Greek term ‘apoluo’ which literally means to loose. This term is interesting in that it is often used in a spiritual manner relating to redemption. For example, in Titus 2:14, we find that Christ redeemed (loosed) us from all iniquity. Again, ‘loosing’ is referred to as salvation in the following verses: Lk 1:68, Heb 9:12, Col 1:14, Eph 1:7, Ro 3:24, 1 Cor 1:30 etc. However, in the context of Mat 5:31-32, it is used as a separation, aptly translated as divorce. Therefore, we should understand the term ‘put away’ as being loosed from the bonds of marriage, a very strong statement.

Let him give her a writing of divorcement – The term ‘writing of divorcement’ is the Greek word ‘apostasion’ from which the term apostasy is derived. Apostasy literally means a falling away and is only used here and in Mat 19:7, Mk 10:4 and 2 Thess 2:3. Once again, we should note the usage of the term apostasy reminds us of the spiritual issue concerning divorce. The writing of divorcement, or apostasy is what national Israel / Judah experienced when God divorced them. Again, the spiritual meaning of divorce has to do with the spiritual relationship between God and His people.

That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication – The term used here ‘saving’ is the Greek word ‘parektos’ in the New Testament. This Greek word literally means ‘near aside’ or ‘near outside’. It is only used two other places in the New Testament. As we shall see this term translated ‘saving’ could also very easily mean ‘besides’ or ’in addition to’. The literal meaning of the Greek word ‘parektos’ supports the translation of besides (or in addition to). If this is true, the meaning of Mat 5:32 would be that for all causes in addition to or besides the cause of fornication also result in adultery. But, let’s test this conclusion with the other two occurrences of ‘parektos’:

Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian. And Paul said, I would to God, that not only thou, but also all that hear me this day, were both almost, and altogether such as I am, except these bonds.

Acts 26:28-29

In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.

2 Cor 11:27-28

We find in Acts 26:29, the usage of ‘parektos’ which is translated as ‘except’. In the context, Paul is saying that he wished that King Agrippa would become a Christian, but not with the bonds. Paul’s hope is that others would become Christians, but He does not hope they have persecution or be in bonds as he was. But, the fact of the matter is that all believers will suffer and be persecuted (John 16:33, Mat 10:24-33). Therefore, in Acts 26:29, we see that ‘parektos’ could be translated as ‘without’. We find the same true in 2 Cor 11:28. ‘Parektos’ is translated ‘those things that are without’. Here, the meaning is that in addition to his worldly concerns for himself in his tribulations, he also cares for the church. Therefore, we see in Acts 26:29 and 2 Cor 11:28 that the term translated in Mat 5:32 as ‘saving’ has the meaning of things in addition to or outside of. Therefore, Mat 5:32 is not teaching that fornication is an exception for divorce. It simply means that reasons for divorcement in addition to fornication will also lead to adultery.

Causeth her to commit adultery and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery –

Relating back to Mat 5:32, this verse can be understood as follows: whosoever divorces his wife for any cause in addition to fornication commits adultery. We remember that verse 31 of Matthew 5 drew us to the allowance for divorce described in Deut 24;1 and how the ‘but’ in verse 32 opposes this allowance. Therefore, Jesus has already rescinded the allowance for divorce in Deut 24:1 which was for the cause of ‘some uncleanness’ or, in other words, fornication. Now, in verse 32, in typical fashion Jesus goes on to the radical idea that all reasons for divorce and remarriage are to be considered as adultery.

Mat 19:3-9 Exposition:

Mat 19:3-9

Let us now go on to Mat 19:3-9 and see if the conclusion drawn from Mat 5:32 is valid that the so-called fornication exception is not really an exception at all. In 19:8 we find that Jesus replied to the Pharisees that the reason Moses commanded a certificate of divorce to be given is that it was due to their hardness of heart in their unsaved condition (1 Sam 6;6, Ez 11:19, 36:26, Zech 7:12, Ex 4:21, etc). The wife (Israel) was by and large unsaved and had a hardened heart. She became a harlot. Therefore, the permission to divorce wives (remember wives could not divorce their husbands) prefigured the fact that God was going to divorce His people who were under the law and trying to merit salvation by the law. However, they were harlots and God divorced them. Man, in his natural abilities, could never please God.

Now, let us look at the crux of the issue. In Mat 19:9, Jesus says that whoever divorces his wife, except for fornication, and marries another woman commits adultery. In the Old Testament, God allowed divorce for sexual immorality since it prefigure (and preannounced) that He would divorce Israel. However, now God is married to the church. The allowance for divorce for immorality/fornication is ended. God temporarily had to allow divorce for this in order to teach us concerning His divorce of Israel. However, now God is married to the invisible, universal church. The allowance for divorce for immorality / fornication is ended. God temporarily had to allow divorce for this in order to teach us concerning His divorce of Israel. The church is made holy and clean and is no longer in an adulterous or immoral relationship with other gods.

The words ‘except for’ in the Greek is the term ei me. This term literally means ‘if not’. This term is a very common term in the New Testament, being used scores of times. This term ‘if not’ can easily be understood in some passages as ‘other than’ or ‘in addition to’ (e.g. see 2 Cor 2:2, 12:5,13, Eph 4:9, Gal 1:7, 1 Tim 5:19, Heb 3:18, 1 John 2:22, 5:5). In other words, ei mi could set up the picture that there are other items that should be included in the statement. Therefore, the meaning of Mat 19:9 is this: if anyone divorces his wife for reasons in addition to fornication and marries another, then they commit adultery This fits perfectly into the context of the entire passage of Mat 19:3-9 (as well as 1 Cor 7). In Verses 7 and 8, Jesus has already explained why God allowed divorce in the Old Testament. It was for fornication which was a preannouncement that Israel would commit harlotry and that God would divorce her for this fornication.

However, from the beginning it was not so. God originally intended or foreordained that there should not be divorce. What God has put together, let man not put asunder (verses 4-6). In other words, Jesus has already explained that this allowance by Moses for divorce was for the fornication of Israel. It has been retracted by the words of Jesus in verses 4-6. Now, in verse 9, all other divorce besides or in addition to this reason is also prohibited. In stating this he is getting back to the Pharisees original question concerning if it was alright to divorce for any reason. In verses 4-6, Jesus states that the only valid reason for divorce was for a man to divorce his wife for sexual uncleanness or fornication as the term would be understood in the New Testament. This reason is now ended in that God has already divorced Israel and is now to be married to His church. God has put Himself and the church together and let no man put it asunder. In verses 7-9, Jesus goes on to explain that divorce and remarriage is also wrong for other reasons in addition to fornication that had been devised by the Jews (and is also applicable to many today who devise many reasons for divorce). This is also supported by the statement of the disciples in verse 10 that if it is so, it is better for one not to marry. The natural meaning of this is that since there is no allowance for divorce, it is a very serious matter to marry another. If one marries a difficult person, it is for life.

Therefore, the following is a summary of the questions asked by the Pharisees and the answers that Jesus provided in Mat 19:3-9:

Q: Can a man divorce his wife for any and all reasons? (v.3)

A: No. God’s original intention is for no divorce, therefore, let no man separate the marriage bond. (v. 4-6)

Q: Why then did Moses allow divorce? (v. 7)

A: Because of the generally unsaved state of Israel, God set up a fore-shadow that He would divorce national Israel because of her fornication (v.8). Also, every man who divorces his wife for reasons in addition to fornication also commits sin. (v.9)

It is interesting to also note the parallel passages to Mat 19:3-9 in Mk 10:10-12 and Lk 16:18. In these passages, similar language is found. For example:

And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Mk 10:10-12

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

Lk 16:18

We see in these passages, similar language to Mat 19:9. However, the term ‘except for fornication’ is excluded. Therefore, the natural reading of the Lk 16 and Mk 10 passages is that there is no exception for divorce and remarriage. The term added in Mat 19 only serves to emphasize that the issue with fornication had already been explained and retracted by Jesus in Mat 19:3-6. Therefore, we find complete harmony with the meaning of the passage in Mat 19:3-9 in that there is no grounds for divorce and remarriage.

Chapter 5 The Issue of Remarriage

We have now seen that God’s intention from the beginning was that a man and woman should not get divorced. In the Old Testament church of Israel, God permitted divorce due to their hardness of heart. The divorce pre-shadowed the fact that God was going to divorce Israel. In the New Testament, Jesus was questioned concerning this matter. He reiterated that it was God’s intention from the beginning that a man and woman not get divorced. He also clarified that for all reasons in addition to fornication divorce and remarriage is adultery.

We have already seen that there are absolutely no Biblical grounds for a divorce between two Christians. All true believers are indwelt by the Holy Spirit (Ro 8:9). They will never practice a lifestyle of sin and rebellion from God (Gal 5:19-21, 1 Cor 6:9-11, 1 John 3:4-10, etc). Moreover, all Christians will have a forgiving attitude (Mat 6:14-15, 18:32-35). Therefore, there should never be a reason for true Christians to ever need to be divorced from each other nor does the Word of God permit such behavior.

We saw, however, for a Christian that is married to a non-Christian, a divorce could occur if the unbelieving spouse wishes to depart. We also saw that the sexual immorality reasons for divorce is not a valid grounds for divorce. We saw in Mat 19:4-9 and the context of Deut 24:1-4 in the Old Testament that the ‘except for fornication’ clause literally means ‘if not for fornication’ or ‘other than fornication’. In context, this phrase simply meant that Jesus had already retracted this reason for divorce and that all other causes for divorce and remarriage also result in an adulterous relationship.

This brings us to very emotional questions. Is it permitted for a divorced Christian to remarry and is it permitted for a Christian to marry someone who is divorced? The answers to these questions from the word of God are a resounding NO. Let us review the Scriptures on the matter of remarriage:

And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Mat 19:3-9

Mat 5:31-32

Mk 10:10-12

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

Lk 16:18

1 Cor 7:10-11

We see in these passages, statements from the Lord that one who divorces and remarries is an adulterer. Also, one who marries one who is divorced becomes an adulterer. Even in 1 Cor 7:10-11, we find that if there is a divorce, the divorced person should remain single or be reconciled to the spouse (see also 1 Cor 7:39).

Concerning Mat 19:9 and Mat 5:32, we find similar statements concerning becoming an adulterer when there is remarriage. Because of what we have previously studied, we are now not fooled into thinking that we will not be an adulterer because of the clause ‘except for fornication’. We remember that this clause in context with the whole Bible taught us that Jesus had already retracted the allowance for divorce in the matters of sexual immorality. The ‘except for’ clause means that divorce is also prohibiting for all other reasons as well.

Therefore, we find that there is no Biblical grounds whatsoever for remarriage. For those who try to use Mat 19:9 and Mat 5:32 as a grounds for remarriage, they run into terrible contradictions. Firstly, we see in 1 Cor 7:10-11, that if a believer finds themselves divorced, they must either be reconciled or remain single. Secondly, we saw that there is violence done to the context of Deut 24:1-4 as well as other passages if we teach that the reason for fornication is different than what the allowance for divorce that Moses gave. Finally, we find that the only reason that the divorce of Moses was allowed in the Old Testament was due to the hardness of people’s hearts. Therefore, even if we do not accept the fact that there is no grounds for divorce and remarriage, we must accept the fact that this only applies to those with a hard heart (i.e. those who are not unsaved).

The Significance of Romans 7:1-4

We find an additional passage in the New Testament that confirms that remarriage after divorce is wrong. As an illustration, Paul uses this matter to illustrate the relationship of the believer to the Law. He directed this illustration to those who knew the Law so that they could better understand the fact that they have died to the Law and are set free to the liberty of being married to Christ:

Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.

Ro 7:1-4

In this passage, we find discussion concerning the Law of God (i.e. the commands of the Bible). Once a person is married to another, they are bound to that person as long as they both are living. If they divorce and remarry, then they become adulterers. This language corresponds to what we studied in the previous section. Christ declared that one who is married and becomes divorced becomes an adulterer if they marry another. Although this passage primarily applies to the teaching concerning law and grace, we see further confirmation that in God’s view, a person is married to another as long as they both shall live. If one dies, then they are free to marry again, but not before that.

Confirmation in 1 Cor 7:39

We find confirmation that remarriage is wrong in 1 Cor 7:39:

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

1 Cor 7:39

We see Paul reaffirms that a wife is bound to her marriage partner as long as he is living. Therefore, if she finds herself divorced, then she may not be remarried. This is a further emphasis of what Paul already said in verse 11 concerning the fact that if a wife finds that she must depart because she has been put out by her unbelieving husband, then she must remain single or be reconciled to her husband.

Therefore, we find that no remarriage is permissible unless it is to one’s former spouse.

Chapter 6 Witnessing to the Difficult Husband

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Pet.3:1-2

The purpose of this chapter is to examine God’s teaching concerning the situation where a believer is married to a very difficult spouse. For example, because it is very common situation to find a Christian woman who is married to a man that is not interested in the things of the lord or that acts quite contrary to what a Christian should be, it is imperative to find out what God would have this woman to do. Many Christian women are married to a husband that is not only disinterested in the things of the Lord, but may also be abusive to her. He may be inconsiderate and harsh. He may be selfish, uncaring or unfaithful to her. This is obviously a tremendously difficult situation for any woman to be in. Because this question is so closely related to divorce, it is imperative to examine this issue. The chapter is focused on the difficult husband since this is the subject of 1 Pet 3 and apparently is the predominant situation when there is a difficult spouse to be dealt with. The same principles could also therefore, be applicable to the difficult wife in the case a believing husband is married to an unbelieving wife.

Facing Reality

There are many Christian women who live with rebellious, unloving, harsh, unfaithful or cruel husbands. Interestingly, many of these husbands have a profession of being a Christian. But, we must soberly look at the question as to whether a true Christian would habitually treat his wife in this way. The Bible teaches that the true Christian had his mind changed regarding sin. The Christian is repentant over sin (1 John 1:8-10, Luke 5:8, 13:3-5, Mat 5:3-6, 2 Tim 2:24-26). He now has mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16). His mind is on the things of the Lord and interested in spiritual truths (Col.31-4, John 6:48-58, 8:30-32). The true Christian will no longer practice willful repetitive sin (1 John 3:4-10, 1 Cor.6:9-11, Gal.5:19-21). The true believer will be obedient to the commands of Scripture (1 John 2:3-6, 1 Pet.1:1-2, John 15:9-14, Mat.7:21-27, etc). These commands include to love his wife (Eph.5:25). Although no Christian is anywhere near perfect, little by little all true Christians are being transformed from glory to glory to be conformed to the image of Christ (2 Cor.3:18).

This leaves the Christian wife who is married to a professing Christian who is very difficult in a great quandary. On the one hand, she understands the Biblical teaching that a true Christian husband will not want to abuse or be uncaring towards his wife, nor will he be rebellious to what the Bible teaches. But, on the other hand she sees her husband as not obedient to God. She sees a man who is repetitively doing those things that are not pleasing to God.

The godly woman must remember that she is unable to truly know if her rebellious and difficult husband is truly saved or not. It is only God who reveals the counsel of the heart (1 Cor 4:5). However, when he sees her husband who professes to be a Christian in rebellion to the word of God, she must understand that there exists a high probability that her husband is not saved. This is true since, as we studied above, all true Christian desire to be obedient to the word of God. Moreover, God is at work in the Christian mightily (Phil 2:13, Col 1:29) to lead them into holiness (Ro 8:14-16, Cor 3:18).

The Unsaved, Rebellious Husband is Holy

It is important to now look at the standing that the difficult, rebellious husband has with the Lord Jesus Christ. The unsaved husband of a Christian wife is sanctified (i.e. holy). Consider the following Scripture:

And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her leave him. For the husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were the children unclean; but now are they holy.

1 Cor 7:13-14

We see in the Scripture above that the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his relationship to his saved wife. To be sanctified means to be set apart. That is, the unbelieving husband is in special relationship to God though he is not saved. That special relationship has altogether to do with the fact that he is married to his Christian wife. He sees her concern and love for other Christians. He sees and experiences, first-hand, the love of God.

But, what is the significance of the fact that he is sanctified although not saved? To find the answer to this question, must turn to 1 Peter 3 for the answer.

Wife’s Witness to Her Unsaved Husband

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that if any obey not the word be won by the conversation of the wives

1 Pet 3:1

We find in this Scripture a very significant fact. We see that the unsaved husband may won by the conversation (i.e., conduct) of his wife. That is, she is in the position of witnessing to the husband in a very unique way so that he may be saved. The unsaved husband may only be exposed to the Lord through his wife. It is her example of her conduct that he may be the catalyst that God uses to lead this rebellious man into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. It is in this way that the unsaved husband is sanctified (i.e., made holy). He is holy since he is in close association with a true child of God. This puts him in a position to see first-hand the witness and love of a true believer. Although he is unsaved, he is a witness of what salvation can produce in a true child of God (i.e., his wife). He can observe her chaste and honorable behavior is different from the world. He, indeed, has a godly wife.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Pr 18:22

How is the Wife to Witness to Her Husband ?

How exactly is the wife to be a witness to her unsaved husband? Is she to be a witness by divorcing him? Of course not. Is she to be a witness by retaliating for the bad things he does to her? No. Is she to be a witness by avoiding her husband and spending a disproportionate amount of her time and energy to the church, friends, or work? No way.

Let us examine what God teaches us concerning this matter. The book of 1 Peter teaches us 5 key elements concerning how a wife is to behave with her husband. Before we examine these elements, it is interesting to observe that the wife is to witness to her husband without a word (1 Pet 3:1). That is, her holy conduct, attitude, and example of suffering is a witness of Christ. The Christian wife is never to beat her husband over the head with her Bible. Rather, she must submit under the sovereign hand of God in the matter of enlightening and convicting the unsaved husband so that he will be saved (John 16:7-11, 1 Cor 2:14, 2 Cor 4:6). It is God who is sovereign and gives man ability to repent and exercise saving faith (2 Tim 2:25-26, Pail, Eph 2:8-9, Acts 5:31, 13:48, Gal 2:16, etc).

Key Element #1: Submission

Submission? How can a woman be expected to submit herself to a man who is mean, uncaring, unfaithful or harsh to her? How can she submit herself to a man that does not love and cherish her, but rather continually criticizes her? How can she live with a man that pushes her around and physically hurts her?

1 Peter 3:1 teaches us that the wife is to be submissive even to a husband who is unsaved. Moreover, 1 Pet 3:1 teaches the woman to be submissive to even the hardest and meanest of husbands. The book of 1 Peter has the theme of perseverance through suffering. In many places, it teaches Christians to persevere in suffering (e.g. 1 Pet. 1:6, 2:13 -14, 18- 21, 3:14, 4:1, 14, etc.).

Of interest to our study is 1 Pet 2: 18-24. This passage is of particular interest since precedes just before 1 Pet 3:1-6 concerning the wife’s conduct with her unsaved husband. The first word in 1 Pet 3:1 is ‘likewise’. It refers back to what was just discussed in 1 Pet 2:18-24:

Servants, be subjective to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. For what glory is it, if when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? But, if when we do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: who his own self bare our sin in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye healed.

1 Pet 2:18-24

We see in this passage the submission of the Christian servant to his master. He is to subject himself to his master. Moreover, he is not just subject himself to the good, but also to the froward (i. e crooked or unreasonable). The Christian is to subject himself to those masters who are unfair and do not act properly to the servant. We are to endure wrongful suffering and grief. In this manner we follow the steps of Christ. Jesus was reviled. He suffered and He was ultimately shamefully crucified on a cross. Likewise, the Christian is to endure suffering as Jesus gave us example.

The Christian wife must submit herself to the unreasonable, perverse husband. It is in this way that she shows him Christ in her. Just as Christ suffered and did not revile in return, so must the Christian wife do. She must love her husband by bearing all things (1 Cor 13:7). She must not return evil for evil or insult for insult. Rather, she must give a blessing (1 Pet 3:9). She must remember that her role is that of a help mate for her husband (Gen 2:18-25).

A theme throughout the Bible is that the Christian wife is to submit to her husband. The wife’s submission to Christ is a picture of how the church is to submit to Christ (cf Eph 5:22-24, Col 3:18, 1 Cor 11:1-11). However, the Bible goes further and instructs the Christian wife that she into submit to her husband even if he is a harsh, mean unbelieving sinner (1 Pet 3:1-2).

What exactly is submission? Many have tried to lessen the meaning of submission by teaching that they have only have to be submissive when their husband is a Christian and asking her to do something that is holy. However, we have just seen that the Bible teaches that the Christian wife is to be submissive even to the husband that is not saved. If the unbelieving husband asks her to do something that is not contrary to the word of God, she must do it.

A few examples of submission of the Christian wife to the unbelieving are in order at this point. The Christian wife must never use the bed to retaliate against her rebellious husband. She is to be completely submissive in this area as the Bible teaches (1 Cor 7:1-5). She must submit herself to him in the domestic duties of life (Titus 2:5, 1 Tim 5:10, 14, Pr 31:10-31, 14:1). That is, she must not neglect her obligation to be the ‘domestic engineer’ of the house. She is to care for him and make sure he receives healthy food he enjoys as well as having a clean house and clothes. She must be willing to do things he enjoys as long as they do not contradict the commands of the Bible. She must endeavor to keep herself physically attractive. A common ploy of a wife who is not happy with her husband is to let her physical appearance lapse.

If the unbelieving husband asks the wife to do something clearly contrary to the Bible, she must respectfully decline giving the reason that she could not do it. She must not lose her temper or patience with him (Cor 13:4-7), but rather try to please him in all the ways that are in accord with the word of God. However, she must obey God before obeying man (Acts 5:29).

Key Element #2: Chaste Behavior

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Pet 3:2 (see also Titus 2:5, Pr 12:4, Tim 5:14)

This Scripture teaches that a Christian wife’s behavior must be chaste. The word chaste is from the same Greek root that means holy, sanctify or set apart. Therefore, the Christian wife’s behavior is to be one of obedience to the word of God. The unsaved husband should see a woman who diligently studies the Word of God (2 Tim 2:15) and is trying to become more and more obedient to it. Her behavior should be that of gentleness, kindness, patience, humility, and love (see 1 Cor 13:4-7, Gal 5:22 -23, Eph 4:32, etc).

It is by this chaste behavior of his wife, that the unsaved husband sees the witness of Christ. He sees a difference in her life as compared to the world. He sees a woman who shows great love to him even though he is a harsh man. She is being an example to him in her holy conduct (1 Tim 4:12, Phil 3:17, Titus 2:7-8, 2 Thess 3:7-9).

Key Element #3: Fear of God

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Pet 3:2 (see also Titus 2:5)

It is vitally important that the unsaved husband sees the wife’s reverent behavior including the fear of God. That is, in everything that she endeavors to do, she must consider her Christian witness. She must study her Bible (2 Tim 2:15). She must be continually in prayer (1 Thess 5:17-18, Eph 6:18). She must show a non – retaliatory attitude. She must do all things to the glory of God (1 Cor 10: 31, Col 3:17, 1 Pet 4:11).

Key Element #4 Not Outward Attraction Only, but Inward Qualities are Important

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet in spirit, which is the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands 1 Pet 3:4 -5

A great temptation by the Christian wife to attract her husband’s attention and love is to try to enhance her physical appearance. Although there is nothing wrong with being trim and fit, keeping oneself clean, and trying to enhance one’s beauty, it is important that the Christian wife firstly concentrate on her inward character qualities. This is not to say that the Christian wife is to let herself become sloppy and physically unattractive. Part of her submission to her husband is to maintain herself in a physically attractive condition while maintaining modesty (1 Tim 2:9-10). However, of more importance is to develop those inward qualities of the hidden person of the heart.

The Scriptures teach that the wife is to develop a meek and quiet spirit. A meek spirit involves one of humility (Mat 5:5, 21:5, Eph 4:2, Titus 3:2). A meek spirit will never demand its rights. Rather, it will quickly forgive, being tender-hearted (Eph 4:32). The Christian wife will humbly explain why she does the things she does. She will quietly explain to her husband that the reason she does not wish to partake in a sinful activities is that the Bible says it’s wrong to do. Meekness is often closely associated in the word of God with gentleness (see Titus 3:2, 2 Cor 10:1, Gal 5:22-23, etc).

The Christian wife is also to have a spirit of quietness (see also Cor 14:34-35, 1 Tim 2:11). She is not to be loud and demanding. She is not always be speaking her mind. She is not to nag (Pro 19:13-14, 21:9,19.25:24). She is not to go about as a busybody and gossip (1 Tim 5:13, 2 Thess 3:11). Rather, she can be a witness to her husband praying that God may use her witness to lead her husband to the Lord.

Key Element #5: Without Fear

Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid of any amazement.

1 Pet 3:6

At first glance, being not afraid seems like a strange element of the wife’s witness to her unsaved husband. But, it is of great importance. We see in 1 Pet 3:6 how the Christian wife is to do what is right without fear of what will happen to her. She is to quietly and submissively follow the commands of the Bible. She is to submit to her husband and care for him whenever possible. She should not fear those who will criticize her for being behind the times or an unliberated women. Many will come to her and recommend divorcing her scoundrel husband. She may be told to stand up for her rights and not to let him treat her like that. However, the Christian woman is to strive to endure all types of hardships and be willing for Christ’s sake (John 16:33, Mat 16:24-27 etc). She must be willing to withstand the unfair treatment from her husband and the criticism of friends and family who do not agree with her submissive attitude towards her husband. A Christian woman who dares to stand up and do what is God-honoring is truly a courageous woman. Moreover, it is this woman who is very likely to be used by God in leading her husband to Christ.

Summary

The Christian wife is to earnestly pray and desire the salvation of her rebellious husband. She witness to him without a word. She is not beat him over the head with the Bible since she recognizes that it is only God’s sovereign grace that can convict the unbeliever of his sin and lead him to salvation.

Rather, the wife is to quietly, submissively, and humbly do what is right. She is to respect and honor her husband without wavering. She cannot be obedient to him when he is asking her to do something that is contrary to clear Biblical teaching.

The promise of God is that this type of conduct of Christian wife just may be the catalyst that God sees fit to use to lead her husband into a saving relationship with Him. Could it be that Christian wives married to unsaved, rebellious men earnestly pray for their husbands and live the God – fearing life that God will use to lead them to be saved? Will she love him enough to be obedient to God’s plan for her suffering in order to be a witness? The Scriptures teach that the wife’s faithful and submissive attitude and a holy conduct towards this man is likely to be used by God to lead this man to salvation.

Chapter 7 Practical Questions

What about divorce and remarriage before being a Christian or in ignorance?

Many Christians have either married one who is divorced or they themselves have been divorced and remarried. We have previously seen that the Bible says that this makes those people involved in this activity adulterers and adulteresses. Surely, some very fine Christians have found themselves in these conditions.

All people make mistakes and sin. We also make many mistakes in ignorance. In Christianity today, there is much teaching in the church that justifies divorce and remarriage. Many pastors openly encourage divorce. Many have no concern whatsoever about marrying persons who have previously been divorced. Because many churches and pastors allow for this behavior, many people have been deceived into thinking there are grounds for divorce and remarriage. While divorce and remarriage is sin, the blood of Jesus Christ overs this sin (1 John 1:9).

Divorced Christians who remarry while their spouse is still living or Christians who marry divorced persons are not ‘continuing’ in sin. They sinned in that they re-married (of which they pray and be remorseful. However, they should not go and divorce their current spouse since God has called us to remain in the state in which we were called (see 1 Cor 7:25-28). In other words, these individuals should remain as they are with the knowledge that God has fully forgiven them of their divorce and remarriage. Just as David and Solomon sinned, people who divorce and remarry while their former spouse is living have two wives in the case of men. Divorcing the second wife would also be a sin.

What if people are not married in the church or were not Christians when they were married, is this marriage valid in the sight of God?

Some seek to claim that their first marriages are not valid for a variety of reasons. Some try to use the excuse that they were not married in a church, or that they were married by religious people who do not hold to the true Gospel. Others will say, that they were not Christians when they were married, therefore, the marriage was not valid in the sight of God. To answer this, we must first recognize that it is not the church which has jurisdiction over marriage. Marriage is governed by the law of the land. The Bible nowhere teaches that the church has authority over marriage. It was recognized that Peter was married (1 Cor 9:5), but there was no command that he be married in the church. In all likelihood, he was married prior to being a Christian. There is no record of Priscilla and Aquilla being married in a church. There just is not any command in Scripture that the church has authority over marriage. While marriage clearly symbolizes the church and Christ, there are no commands that this be a sacrament of the church. Rather, the Bible teaches us to submit to governing authorities (1 Cor 13). It is the civil government who has jurisdiction over such matters. This is not to say that a Christian cannot be authorized by the civil government to perform a marriage.

The bottom line is that marriage is what is legally recognized by the governments of the world. Therefore, if one is married legally (whether as a Christian or not, they are married). Government is a God ordained institution.

What about those Christians who are divorced and not yet remarried?

Some may question the fact that it seems very mean and cold hearted to not allow those who are divorced to remarry. Some may have been married in the heat of the moment, or may have married before they were believers. Should not these people be allowed to remarry and raise a family? Is not God a God of love and kindness? Are not we free in Christ? Well, while we are free in Christ and God is love, we cannot violate the commands of Scripture. We must be obedient to God. Actually, our obedience is a mark if we are a true believer (1 John 2:1-8). The Bible tells us that it is adultery to remarry if our first spouse is still alive. Also, it is sin to marry a person who was divorced and their spouse is still living. We must be careful to be obedient to God.

Moreover, we find many one-time mistakes that we, as Christians, did prior to becoming Christians (or even while we are Christians) and we must pay the physical penalty and consequence for this sin. Some may have murdered and are in jail. They are not released because they are now Christians. Some may have been sexually promiscuous before and now have a terrible disease. The disease does not go away because someone is now a Christian. Someone may have been in a bad car accident because they were drunk and became a quadriplegic. They cannot turn back the hands of time. So too with the one who has married and now is divorced. They must live with that mistake until death do them part.

How about if the spouse of a divorced Christian dies?

As we have seen in the Scriptures in Romans 7:1-4 and 1 Cor 7:39, one who marries is bound to that spouse unto death do them part. Similarly, we see in 1 Cor 7:10-11 that the divorced wife is to remain single or be reconciled to her former spouse. Therefore, we can see that at the point of death of the spouse, the divorced Christian is then set free and may remarry. This is no different if she had become a widow. The widow may remarry as the Scriptures teach (1 Tim 5:14).

What about divorce when life is threatened?

This is a common objection to the prohibition of divorce. In fact, almost every pending divorce can claim abuse of some type whether physical or emotion. Sadly, in the world, there are many relationships that are broken down because of sin. Should divorce be allowed in these situations? We previously saw that there was never a reason for divorce between two Christians. A Christian would never be habitually abusive. Therefore, these relationships must be treated as a relationship between a believer and an unbeliever in all likelihood. In this case, the unbeliever may ultimately wish to depart or put away his wife. If this occurs in an abusive relationship, then the Scripture allows for the unbeliever to initiate the divorce. The believer, of course, will never wish for divorce although it may occur because of the unbeliever’s initiative. If this occurs, the Bible teaches that the marriage is still a marriage until death do them part. Therefore, the Christian will desire to remain single until that first spouse is deceased.

We saw in 1 Pet 3:1 that a Christian wife should not leave her husband just because he is not a Christian. He may be very disobedient to the Word of God and live a very sinful lifestyle. However, as a Christian, the wife must be willing to suffer in order to provide a witness for her husband. Many, many Christians have suffered terribly over the years. We just recently live in a society where any pain or suffering (whether physical or emotional) is hardly tolerated at all. In today’s society, we have been so used to having things easy that we question why we should remain married to an abusive spouse.

But, one may ask: what if there is a Christian woman married to a scoundrel of a husband who routinely beats her and the life of herself and her children may be in jeopardy? These questions are hard to answer, but we know this. God has ordained government to use the sword to maintain order. If the abuse becomes so bad, it is very likely that the police will become involved. Even if the police (government) gets involved with the abusive relationship, the wife should not file for a divorce. They may end up being separated by the government, but this still is not a grounds for divorce that is found in the Bible.

Summary

The following is a summary of the doctrine of divorce and remarriage:

God from the beginning did not intend for people to divorce (Gen 2:24).

In the Old Testament, God allowed for divorce because of the unsaved hardness of people’s hearts, but it was only for cases of fornication (Deut 24:1).

The divorce allowed by Moses was a pre-figure of the fact that God would divorce National Israel / Judah. God divorced Israel / Judah because of their fornication with false gods (Jer 31:1,8, Is 50:1).

As He did with many other ceremonial laws, Jesus retracted this allowance for divorce since Christians no longer have hard hearts and God will never divorce His church (Mat 5).

There is never divorce permitted between two Christians (Lk 16:18, Mk 10:2-9, 1 Cor 7, Mal 2:13-16).

The only case for divorce between a believer and a non-believer is when the non-believer wishes to divorce; however, there is never an allowance for remarriage in this case (1 Cor 7:10-16).

One who divorces and remarries while the first spouse is still living commits adultery. A divorced Christian must remain single if the first spouse is still living or be reconciled to that spouse (Ro 7:1-4, 1 Cor 7:10-11, 27, 39).